"Top Achiever for A Month" ---not!

I am now working at one of the most prestigious, still-growing, Financial based company in Indonesia. I must say, as a newcomer to this company, I do have a few pluses and minuses in regards to this company. As this company may very well considered as a foreign company, due to the fact that most consultants or the bosses are singaporeans, but the actual company is actually a licensed company from a company based in Singapore. Shall I make this a plus? or a minus, I am not sure up until today. The pay is good. However, you get what you work for. Sounds like any other companies, but actually different. You earn comissions from trying to find a new investor who is willing to invest their funds into Foreign Exchange.I'd like to say that this is a plus, but the majority will probably say it's a minus. Basically, you don't get a fixed income. As a fresh graduate (despite my already 2 years of working experience in Boston), this is a good start to learn something new. Unfortunately, the common understanding is that, in order to get a career in a banking or financial world, one (or me) has to start from a well-managed corporations or banks, such as Citibank, GE and so on so forth. So, to start a career from a Futures company might not be the greatest idea if not would be the worst idea of all.
I think that should be a minus---for sure.


I've been here 2 months and a few weeks already and still standing. To say, "going strong"might not be the most suitable expression to say. In the middle of my doubts, I am strong believer in anything that I do and I chose to do. Sounds like cocky?? or over confidence? well, not really. In fact, sometimes I think I'm just denying things --like, perhaps I have made a mistake in the decision. I know from experience that once you've made a decision, you should live in it and just accept whatever the consequences there are. So, anyway, even though I still am sticking to this company (result of decision), doing things what I am supposed to be doing (living in a decision), I still have doubts about my own future, whether I should find something else or not (consequences), at least for the next couple of months.

So, when the company announced a new incentive program for all independent traders and also managers, I must say, I am not impressed at all. Even when they put a big black carton with chart and arrows with managers' name at the bottom of the chart and is written at the top "Top Achiever for Month", I am neither moved nor excited at all. Managers are supposed to show their performances within the month of February with their teams to get as many investors as possible. In a way it's a another method of motivation technic. But, to me, it's just a black cartoon on the wall.

I can't say that I hate this job. I can't also say that I really like this job. I know something is missing. The scary part is that I'm afraid I miss the routines of having so much work to do and being ordered around to do so. I don't want to turn out like that.I love to learn. So far, I think I'm enjoying the learning part of it. I like to meet people. This places gives the possibility of going out and do marketing. However, I dislike the fact that sometimes I have to pretend as if I am or have done what I actually haven't done, which in this place is somehow, necessary.

Well, I could probably kiss goodbye the "Top achiever of the month" award. But, if there is to say about it, I have completely lost my apettite for any competitions in this company.